Here’s me, doing my bit to participate weekly in Kelly’s Seven Quick Takes over at This Ain’t the Lyceum.

So here’s…

This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors

Takes. Best described as quick. Seven of them.

1. Saying that trauma survivors have trust issues is like saying that cats have motivation issues. In “Why Don’t You Trust Me?” Catholic Mom contributor Lindsey Mitzel sheds good light on how parenthood brings us face to face with how we relate to God in trust — or not.
2. 11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting in TANGLED: I can’t believe I’m just discovering Cinema Therapy now.
   

3.I feel like I already shared this one, but if I did, it’s worth a re-share: Addiction and self-criticism sheds light on the self-defeating shame cycle that fuels addiction, isolation, compulsion, and all sorts of maladaptive stuff we bring into our lives.

4. In “Siblings cope with trauma differently,” therapist Annie Wright writes about how the same family can produce drastically different “results” so to speak in the children.

5. Harshly worded but importantly honest, here are some tips on “How to Raise an Abusive Husband.”

6. Are you parenting with codependency? Read this to do a self-check.

7. But before you get too down on yourself for your failures, make sure you read Sarah Reinhard’s “The Reward in the Failure of Raising Saints.” We’re all saints in the making.

If you’ve gotten this far, please pray for me as I recover from another endometriosis laparoscopy. As of this writing, recovery has been bumpy. Here’s a voice I’ve been listening to in this year of St. Joseph to remind me that God makes mistakes into happy accidents.

Here’s me, doing my bit to participate weekly in Kelly’s Seven Quick Takes over at This Ain’t the Lyceum.

So here’s…

This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors

Takes. Best described as quick. Seven of them.

1. Christmas Is Not Supposed to Be Like This. I can’t believe I wrote that six years ago. It’s one of the pieces I’m most honored to have written.
2. One of the characteristic traits of someone who grew up in a dysfunctional home is a terror of criticism. Christie Ann Lubriand has a piece at Catholic Mom on “How to Handle Criticism as a Christian.”
3. Another one of those characteristic traits–and this one is even harder for me than taking correction or criticism–is just the simple act of having fun for fun’s sake. Betsy Kerekes at Catholic Mom writes about 5 Ways to Have More Fun with Your Kids.
4. aNOTHER trait? Difficulty with perfectionism, which translates to irritation at interruptions (::raises hand::). Jennifer Scheueremann writes at Catholic Mom about Being Grateful in Spite of Interruptions.
5. Wanna know the one quality that would cure narcissism? Dr. Les Carter talks about it here.
6. Here’s a good one on the dreadful loop (more like a noose) that occurs in the addicted mind, where self-criticism feeds addiction, which feeds self-criticism, which feeds addiction, which feeds…
7. Finally, as we head into a new year, you might be thinking about trying therapy. Last week I shared about firing a new therapist and going back to the old one–and after just one session, I am so grateful I made that choice. But how do you know if a therapist is a right fit for you? Setting therapy goals is a great step.

I believe I’m going to take the next two Fridays off, them being solemnities and all. In the meantime, I’m still doing the “Thanks, But I Have Plans” Advent Calendar on Facebook, Insta and Twitter, choose your poison, while the whole shebang has been sent to my gospel journal subscribers as a printable. I’m also going to put together a “Thanks, But I Have Plans” Twelve Days of Christmas calendar, so if you’d like that in printable form, please subscribe at the old gospel journal prompts page.

So, leaving you with my favorite Christmas song of all time. Every year I try to listen to it on repeat until I can even think of the words without crying. I’m still not there yet this year!

A Holy Advent, Joyous Christmas, and Blessed Solemnity of the Mother of God to you and yours. May these weeks shine light in your darkness. Let me know how I may pray for you? Meanwhile, make sure you give Kelly & the SQT crew a look see.

Here’s me, doing my bit to participate weekly in Kelly’s Seven Quick Takes over at This Ain’t the Lyceum.

So here’s…

This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors

Takes. Best described as quick. Seven of them.

1. In “Three Things to Remember in a Season of Doubt” over at Catholic Mom, Laura Range gives us three simple tips to help us through those times of darkness. I especially like this one, because she promotes the value of phone calls & hearing an actual human voice tell us good news.
2. On that note, Shelly Henley Kelly also writes over at Catholic Mom about the restorative power of Friendships and how they help us know the unconditional love of God.
3. There’s something healing that happens inside of me when I read about child abuse survivors seeing justice this side of the veil. That’s why I’m linking “Abuse survivor in ‘Cinderella’ case urges others to speak out.“
4. Staying Strong, Sober and Sane Through the Holidays. If you see addiction wreaking havoc in your life, don’t wait for the New Year. Start today.
5. On the note of trading the chaos of addiction for serenity, here’s an oldie but goodie about how Mary makes a great model for how to live in the midst of destruction without letting it destroy our souls: Lessons in Marian Silence, Serenity and Surrender.
6. Need some harsh marriage truth, whether it’s for evaluating the marriage you came from or that comes from you? Debra Doak has it with “If He Has Chin Hair and Chest Hair, He Can Learn to Be a Better Partner.”
7. Lastly, Dr. Greg Popcak is over at OSV News with a thought-provoking article on how the McCarrick scandal is an opportunity to change toxic culture within our Church: A new opportunity to challenge the triumph of McCarrick Catholicism.

As this week’s send-off, I’ll share that I recently had to fire a therapist. I collected so many red flags in my four sessions with her that I could have made a lovely fascinator with which to adorn my head before the Blessed Sacrament. Instead, I told her it wasn’t working out and made an appointment with my previous therapist, who’s not highly trained in the area I need to explore, but he’s also actually helpful without blowing sunshine up my behind, so that’s where I’m going.

We family dysfunction survivors can have a darned hard time listening to our guts when people in (perceived or legit) authority are behaving in weird/scary/out-of-line ways. The more recovery we do, the more easily we will be able to notice and act healthily when others are acting towards us in unhealthy ways.

Like this:

Let me know how I may pray for you? Meanwhile, make sure you give Kelly & the SQT crew a look see.

Here’s me, doing my bit to participate weekly in Kelly’s Seven Quick Takes over at This Ain’t the Lyceum.

So here’s…

This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors

Takes. Best described as quick. Seven of them.

-1-

Thank you to all the Trauma Gospel Journal Prompt participants. You should have received your thank you gift, The “Thanks, But I Have Plans” Advent Calendar.

What is the “Thanks, But I Have Plans” Advent Calendar?

A little over a year ago, it wasn’t enough for my therapist to tell me that I didn’t have to go anywhere if I didn’t want to or have people in my home who behave in unloving ways. I mean, he’s right, but I didn’t believe him, didn’t think I could say no… until someone in my one support group said, “I invite you to join me spiritually any day that you have a toxic invitation you’re not up for just flat-out refusing.” 

Since then, I’ve gotten much better at releasing the negative voices from my circle. Now I believe my therapist. I can and do say no. But I needed that little — not a push, but a beckoning, an invitation, from that support group member, to help me see my value and the power that God shares with me in choosing who gets space inside my head and heart. I can choose peace and joy for me. I can decline giving others more opportunities to sin against me. Jesus only got crucified the once. 

Now it’s my turn to be that support group person. I’m paying it forward. I’m inviting all and sundry to join me (spiritually and emotionally) whenever you need to tell someone, “Thanks, but I have plans.”  For every day of Advent and the Christmas season, I am inviting you to join me in whatever way will help you grow into seeing that you do have choices. You do have value. You deserve to be cherished in all your relationships. You are desired.
  
If you want the printable calendar, as well as the Twelve Days of Christmas bonus plans, sign up at the old Gospel Journal Prompt page, and said calendar will be delivered right to your inbox within a day or so (do so and you can also get your free copy of the “Get Moving With St. Dominic’s Nine Ways of Prayer” ebook). If printables aren’t your thing, follow me on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, and you’ll get to say “Thanks, but I have plans,” whenever you need to do so.

And now for six more links that you might find helpful as you integrate your trauma healing work with Catholic spirituality:

2. In “When You’re on the Verge of a Meltdown,” Catholic Mom’s Maria V. Gallagher shares four spiritual tips for dealing with our own emotional overwhelm and outbursts.

3. ‘I couldn’t fix myself’: Bishop Conley opens up about mental health recovery: major mad props to an actual bishop publicly owning his mental health journey.

4. Eleven year-old artist runs therapy class for veterans: this young lady is an inspiration.

5. More from Dr. Ramani, this one on How therapists feel about their narcissistic clients

6. Charlene Bader over at Catholic Mom asks the question, “Are ‘Good Kids’ the Goal of Catholic Parenting?” Great take on that study from a few years ago that put forth that kids raised without religious culture are, in fact, “nicer.”

7. “Peace is not the absence of conflict. We can’t pretend problems don’t exist and call that peace,” Monica Portogallo writes for her Catholic Mom article, “Blessed Are the Peacemakers.” She makes a lot of the points I make in the forthcoming All Things New… speaking of which, I’d better wrap up my final edits on that project soon!

Let me know how I may pray for you? Meanwhile, make sure you give Kelly & the SQT crew a look see.

BTW, I have a little playlist of self-care songs, and here’s one of them (warning: a little sweary, but here’s my official memento mori farwell to the Month of the Holy Souls). Can you recommend any good songs for the self-care playlist?

Here’s me, doing my bit to participate weekly in Kelly’s Seven Quick Takes over at This Ain’t the Lyceum.

So here’s…

This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors

Takes. Best described as quick. Seven of them.

1. This is pretty interesting: Turns out there’s a higher occurrence of asthma in women of color who have survived Adverse Childhood Experiences. This surprises me exactly none. Asthma, after all, is about being unable to get out all that needs to be released.
2. I mean, also color me not surprised, but Childhood trauma especially common among rural women with substance abuse disorders. We need to feel good. Even Aquinas says so. If we get bad instead of good from relationship, we will go to substances (including adrenaline/dopamine/etc.) Addiction is just self-medication for trauma, usually the relational sort. It’s that simple.
3. Self-loathing’s Quandary “Like the neighbor left on the road by the robbers (Luke 10:30) I fear seeing my own nakedness, and being laid bare to others. I fear my vulnerability and of being exposed and helpless beyond my own ability. I fear the debilitating attack that will leave me repulsive and rejected by others — and myself.”
4. Unsure how to talk to a domestic violence survivor? Here’s some tips. My question: if you’re survivor, do you feel validated by this article?
5. 7 Hurts That Never Heal and 3 Ways to Cope
6. In Be Prepared, Rachel Watkins talks about tools to have in your spiritual emergency kit. I think being prepared to face triggers can fall under a spiritual emergency.
7. Delighting as God’s Children is a good one for those of us who struggle to just have, well, fun.

So the last gospel journaling prompts for trauma survivors went out last week. If you missed it, please contact me to get caught up AND to receive a little present I’m hoping to send out to all the prompt subscribers next week (hint: an Advent calendar like nobody’s ever done before).

Let me know how I may pray for you? Meanwhile, make sure you give Kelly & the SQT crew a look see.

Signing off with the unofficial trauma bond survivor’s anthem:

BTW, I have a little playlist of self-care songs, and that’s one of them. Can you recommend any others?

Here’s me, doing my bit to participate weekly in Kelly’s Seven Quick Takes over at This Ain’t the Lyceum.

So here’s…

This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors

Takes. Best described as quick. Seven of them.

1. McCarrick whistleblower: At last, somebody was going to pay attention to what I had to say. Heads up: I have not read the McCarrick report. I know it would just be too triggering for me. I did read this article, though, and I wanted to share it here because it’s a reminder of how much any truth-teller is up against when it comes to speaking up about abuse. Do you want that to change? Then if someone discloses abuse to you, do something right away. Call the police. You can’t get in trouble for voicing a concern, but you can get in eternal trouble for turning a blind eye.
2. A sexual abuse survivor finds a ‘reckoning’ in McCarrick report. This article gives you a sense of how survivors, no matter who abused us, walk in the same shadows.
3. Also on OSV Newsweekly, yours truly got to interview Jim Wahlberg, Marge Fenelon, Scott Weeman and Sonja Corbitt about surviving the holiday gathering season when your family isn’t so healthily connected.
4. Come, follow me: How to become a parent-shepherd.
5. Moral injury: it’s not PTSD but some combat veterans find it just as devastating. Why am I including a link to an article about combat veterans? Because of moral injury: it’s my (admittedly uneducated) opinion that moral injury is what holds unrepentant child abusers back from the gift of repentance. That makes it worth studying from a family trauma survivor standpoint.
6. The Fury of the Fatherless explores how the breakdown of the family, and especially the rise of absentee fatherhood, may be contributing to the current climate of unrest, specific to clashes between diametrically opposed groups that create a sense of family based on radical identity politics. Linking here because it’s another way to see the importance of healing family trauma; if we don’t, it will set fire to our homes and livelihoods.
7. Want gospel journaling prompts for trauma survivors? If you missed it, please sign up here to get yours: there’s just one more coming out shortly.

Also, let me know how I may pray for you? Meanwhile, make sure you give Kelly & the SQT crew a look see.

Here’s me, doing my bit to participate weekly in Kelly’s Seven Quick Takes over at This Ain’t the Lyceum.

So here’s…

This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors

Takes. Best described as quick. Seven of them.

1. We are heading into the holiday season, when people want to give you the gift of their lack of meekness. Don’t set boundaries other people can honor: set boundaries you can honor.
2. Childhood trauma: The kids are not alright, and part of the reason might be epigenetics.
3. “People die with this secret” is about a restaurant owner and author opening up places where sexual abuse survivors can find safe connection and healing.
4. Having trouble understanding emotional responsibility? Responsibility means “ability to respond.”
5. In a fitting post for the wake of Hallowtide, The Spiral Strega writes, “You can forgive someone and demand accountability from them, pursue legal action against them, or even speak publicly about how they have harmed you.” Read more in Rosemary for Remembrance: Ancestral Trauma.
6. And for those of you worried about repeating cycles, Accidental Talmudist has this article on Albert Goering–yes, related to that Goering, called “A Tale of Two Brothers.”
7. Want gospel journaling prompts for trauma survivors? If you missed it, please sign up here to get yours free through the end of November, 20202.

Also, let me know how I may pray for you? Meanwhile, make sure you give Kelly & the SQT crew a look see.

Here’s me, doing my bit to participate weekly in Kelly’s Seven Quick Takes over at This Ain’t the Lyceum.

So here’s…

This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors

Takes. Best described as quick. Seven of them.

1. Jennifer Scheuerman over at Catholic Mom writes about listening to God’s voice over all the negative self-talk we tend to give ourselves in her piece “A Battle for Freedom.”
2. So there’s long been (like, in some form for over a century) much talk about PTSD in veterans post-service. I love this idea of how we need to start talking about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) and PTSD before our servicemen and -women enlist: “Start focusing on veterans’ health before they enlist.”
3. I know firsthand how self-soothing from trauma responses tends to foment addiction. Here’s an interesting study about PTSD, alcohol abuse, and male vs. female rats: PTSD and alcohol abuse go hand-in-hand, but males and females exhibit symptoms differently
4. It never hurts to review 6 Tips for Ending a Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships.
5. Full disclosure: “pinning” this here so I can read it later or, perhaps less likely, get one of you to read it and comment with your thoughts, thus motivating me. Moral Recovery and Ethical Leadership looks like an assessment of how very human leaders may make drastically human mistakes, experience moral injury, and then recover from that injury.
6. Want gospel journaling prompts for trauma survivors? If you missed it, please sign up here to get yours free through the end of November, 20202.
7. I also invite you to join in some discussion over on my Broken Grown-up Nation Facebook page.

I’d like to leave you with this thought. For those of us who’ve already parented from a place of pain rather than recovery, allow me to encourage you: it’s not too late.

It’s never too late. Begin where you are.

Also, let me know how I may pray for you? Meanwhile, make sure you give Kelly & the SQT crew a look see.

Here’s me, doing my bit to participate weekly in Kelly’s Seven Quick Takes over at This Ain’t the Lyceum.

So here’s…

This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors

Takes. Best described as quick. Seven of them.

1. Laura Patangan over at Catholic Mom writes about hurts, seen and unseen, in “Tree Trauma and Forward Thinking.”
2. Chantal Howard, also over at Catholic Mom, writes about how little we parents actually do control in her piece “Let the Weeds and the Wheat Grow Together.”
3. Increasing sleep leads to better PTSD outcomes. It’s worth noting.
4. “I wrote a memoir about abuse. That doesn’t mean you’re entitled to every detail.” As an abuse survivor with a book on the way, this article gave me lots of food for thought. As a reader, you may gain some food for thought as well.
5. “Why unloved daughters normalize and rationalize abuse.”
6. Changing up the schedule a bit, since it looks like gospel journal page subscribers take a week or so to get to their emails, So, next Sunday’s gospel journaling page for trauma survivors goes out before midnight. If you missed it, please sign up here to get yours free through the end of November, 20202.
7. I also invite you to join in some discussion over on my Broken Grown-up Nation Facebook page.

Meanwhile, here’s a printable! Sort of. Not mine. If you can credit the original source, please comment with it below.

Do you have anything to add to this list? I’d add “Maintenance of relationship between parent-child.”

Also, let me know how I may pray for you? Meanwhile, make sure you give Kelly & the SQT crew a look see.

Here’s me, doing my bit to participate weekly in Kelly’s Seven Quick Takes over at This Ain’t the Lyceum.

So here’s…

This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors

Takes. Best described as quick. Seven of them.

1. Forbes Magazine has an article on how adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) impact adult health, especially in terms of inflammatory disease: 5 Ways Trauma and Poverty Affect Childhood Development.
2. New here and interested in an ultra-quick primer on trauma & PTSD? Here’s Fight, flight or freeze.
3. Can anyone relate to this one? Dealing with toxic family relationships can be a lifelong challenge.
4. Speaking of dealing, here are 25 Amazing COPING SKILLS Everybody Needs.
5. If you’re wondering how journaling can help you… watch this! I love one of the comments on this video: “I definitely think everyone should keep a journal, especially men since we are emotionally told to not express our feelings. It has helped me a lot every time i write it feels like i close an app or close all the extra tabs in my mind.” Close those tabs, my friends! Close ’em!
6. Looking for some help getting started with journaling? Well, I am here to help, my sibling. This Sunday’s gospel journaling page for trauma survivors goes out before midnight. If you missed it, please sign up here to get yours free through the end of November, 20202.
7. I also invite you to join in some discussion over on my Broken Grown-up Nation Facebook page.

Last week I threw some soothing worship piano via Dappy T Keys Worship your way. Wasn’t that lovely and peaceful? This week you get my workout playlist du jour. Word of caution: I haven’t watched most of these videos, because I just listen to the music while I’m pumping very small amounts of iron.

Anybody else have some non sequiturs in your listening repertoire?

Also, let me know how I may pray for you? Meanwhile, make sure you give Kelly & the SQT crew a look see.