Reader, do you have an experience with subfertility to share with your fellow Captive Pandas? Did you go from infertile to subfertile, experience secondary infertility, or experience a different path all together? What’s the hardest part of being a Captive Panda Club member? What keeps you going in faith? How has God sustained you through it all? What have been some unexpected blessings you’ve found as a result of trusting in Church teaching on fertility? Talk to us in the comments below!
Disclaimer: I know none of this artwork is mine. I’m not making any money off of it. Try to sue me, and you won’t make money off of it, either.
Elizabeth Scalia on Patheos has invited Catholic bloggers to respond to the question, “Why do you remain a Catholic?” I was thinking on this question and reading others’ responses, like Sarah Reinhard‘s and Barb S‘s. Then I woke up this morning with the realization that I couldn’t possibly tell you why I stay without explaining why on earth I came back in the first place.
I’m a storyteller. Let me tell you a story.
Once upon at time, many years ago, there was a little girl who loved nature and science and art all together. Basically, she loved learning. She was a nerd from the get-go.
Alas, she grew up in a world where adults weren’t to be trusted. They lied to children. They manipulated. At best, they ignored them. At worst, they used them for their own gratification and told the child it was her fault. They put the “ME” in “The Me Generation.” As for catechizing the little girl? You mean, from the cafeteria line?
Anyway, this girl, while not a Millenial, did get sent to Catholic schools for thirteen years (kindergarten included) during the late 1970s into the super-early 1990s. High school saw her progress from suicidal thoughts, to aggressive atheism, to a nice, bland “I’m spiritual, not religious,” agnosticism. Her gods were her ability to read palms and tarot cards in the lunch room and at cast parties for modest sums. Strangely, the only Catholic school lessons that did stick were the ones on abortion and, perhaps less so, the one on artificial birth control being bad for you, on a scientific level, mind you. She couldn’t see past the science of them both. So. Remember, she’s a nerd?
Oh, and the whole “save yourself for marriage” bit: see, it was the age when the world was being introduced to HIV/AIDS. This girl had an anxiety about getting sick and dying a horrible death, so the whole “waiting” thing seemed smart, but it was not taught in a very cohesive manner, so she only thought she had to wait for some things.
And then she, her palm readings and her tarot cards got to college. All she knew upon arrival was that she was a weird person whom people generally don’t like. She didn’t know why she had trouble trusting and connecting with people. Then she got cast in a play where she played a character who had faced similar (not the same, just similar) betrayals as she herself had throughout her life up until that point. She broke down. During rehearsal. In front of the whole cast.
She didn’t know why. She just knew something was even more wrong with her than she initially suspected.
She went home from rehearsal, curled up under the quilt made by her (devout Catholic) Granny, and stared at a wall. She shook a lot. She tried not to sob too loudly. She remembered things she’d experienced and thought to herself, “That’s not such a big deal. Why would something so minimal make me this upset? After all, everyone always told me that whatever I thought was making a big deal out of nothing.” But that thought did nothing to console or heal. Whatever was going on was much bigger than she herself was.
So she stared at the wall some more and thought, “Okay, God or whatever you are. I just want The Truth. I don’t care what it is. I just want The Truth so I can get out of this bed and have things be better some day.”
Over the next days, weeks, and months, God (not the whatever, thankfully) answered her. She did still own a Bible (for the intellectual exercise of reading it, like reading Thoreau), and she’d heard that the Psalms could be comforting, so she read those. She also read about Wicca and Buddhism and Shinto and a whole alphabet soup of scavenging for Truth. After about four months, she and her nerdy, metaphor-loving brain could find no more solid metaphor for God than the cross and resurrection.
Disappointed that she couldn’t find truth in nature worship or something cool like Eastern religion, she conceded. “Okay, fine, God. You want me to be Christian. I’ll be Christian. Just whatever You do, don’t make me Catholic. The odds that I’d be born into The Truth are pretty darn slim to begin with, and besides that, nobody likes Catholics and their archaic, made-up beliefs that have no basis in reality.”
She joined the campus Christian fellowship, but in the interests of remaining open-minded, she still poked around the local Catholic community center. Except remember how she didn’t just like literature and plays and art? She also liked science a whole lot and always felt kind of torn at having to choose a major? Well, she loved nature. A lot. Hence Wicca being mentioned first on the list above. A girl who loves both nature and metaphor is a sucker for finding the logic in Natural Law, and a girl who doesn’t trust authority is going to mistrust what the culture says her.
Guess what? Catholicism is all about Natural Law. And even moreso, Catholicism is about Truth being solid, unchanging, utterly immune to manipulation.
“Oh, crap,” she said to God. “Am I Catholic?”
She was talking to God pretty regularly at this point, and said, “Okay. I can’t stand that this means that most of my friends are living in a way that is contrary to biological reality, but since I still get to love them, I can stomach it. However, I still don’t get the Eucharist, Mary, or the Pope. You’ve got some ‘splaining to do.”
Considering how much this girl got metaphor, the Eucharist barrier was the first to tumble: God loves us so much that it’s completely intimate. He loves us so much that he won’t just die on a cross for us. He literally will go through $h1t for us. It’s a no-brainer. The Eucharist is Jesus. No other Christian faith teaches that with such clarity and reverence.
The Pope was next: every play needs a director, and her life was plays at the time. Easy-peasy. Not like this:
The Mary thing was tougher. Human moms are unrealistically held up as the height of perfection. Mary was just another human mom, so what’s the point? Funny enough, this girl was reading one of the most anti-Catholic novels every to be written just as she was struggling with this idea of Mary being a sinless intercessor for us with Jesus. Goddess worship abounded. But Mary couldn’t be God. There’s only one God. But upon closing the book, this girl virtually heard God say, “What makes you think I would leave you without a mother?”
“Oh, crap,” she thought. “I guess I really am Catholic.”
So by junior year, she poured the cultural Kool Aid down the drain, made several decent confessions, and accepted the Body and Blood of Jesus. Peter’s great confession, “To whom else could we go, Lord?” sounded in her head more like, “If there were somewhere else to go, Lord, believe me: I’d be there. But you’re Truth, so I’m stuck.”
There was still one thing, though, that took a few more years to take, something she only learned while practicing True Catholicism. It was the value of suffering. She had suffered much in her life, and becoming Catholic did nothing to ease that. It did, however, give it meaning. Other faiths teach that suffering is to be avoided, ignored, or passed on to others (especially if you’re counting Western individualism as a religion). Catholicism is the only faith that teaches that suffering has meaning and value and can be accepted with love for God and for others.
Suffering means that God loves us so much that he wants us to know the agony of his own heart. It’s not about winning heaven, like some twisted martyr complex. It’s about having faith and hope that we are loved in a relationship, that we get to give, not just receive. We have the honor of loving God back.
So, yeah. I’m that girl. And, crap, I guess that girl’s Catholic. Still. So, however reluctantly most days, I run to God.
What’s more amazing is that he runs to me right back.
Why do you stay Catholic, when everybody else is leaving? Blog it, and let Elizabeth Scalia know by tweeting at her @TheAnchoress.
Oldest Dumpling and I decluttered and reorganized the junk drawer.
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We’re going camping! With the brutal weather we’ve been having, and with how far along we are in schooling as a result, we skipped formal lessons yesterday and started planning our spring camping trip. This will be our third year doing a girls-only road trip, and each year we get a little more ambitious. The first year, we did a little study of the Appalachian Trail and stayed one night at the Harper’s Ferry Youth Hostel. Last year we did two nights at a rustic cabin with our rat terrier, whom we discovered is so territory-attached that he makes a very poor camp dog indeed.
This year we are working up an itinerary to do a tour of the first Catholic settlement areas in our state. We are using The Catholic Community of Pennsylvania: Past and Presentas our guide. Having this trip to look forward to seems to have brightened our spirits around here. I aim to include at least one girls-only roughing-it (as much as we can) trip each year to help our daughters build the kind of resilience and resourcefulness Mary and Elizabeth, the First Disciples, had.
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I’ve not been an utter failure at Lent, because temptation is stupid.
Apple image courtesy of WikiCommons/Abhijit Tembhekar.
The first good choice I made was to set tough but not ridiculous goals that gradually increase in difficulty throughout the weeks. But the biggest help I’ve gotten from the Holy Spirit was the realization that I actually do have willpower and the desire to do God’s will. See, I’d convinced myself that I never resist temptation, so no wonder I’m such a failure at growing in virtue–especially in outgrowing certain vices. Then, one day in the checkout lane at the grocery store, I had the temptation to slip a candy bar into my purse.
Are you kidding me? I thought. That’s a stupid idea. A grown woman with kids, shoplifting? That’s ridiculous.
I turned my back on the candy display, paid my bill, and went home, not giving that temptation a second thought. On the way home, however, I gave my post-temptation thoughts some of my time. I realized it was no trouble at all to resist the temptation to shoplift, because, come on, That’s a stupid idea. The temptation fled because my next thought was an exact reason why that particular temptation was so stupid.
What if I told all my temptations that they’re stupid ideas? The more I thought about it, the more I noticed that agreeing with temptation is the very path away from virtue and towards sin. After all, take a look at Eve in Eden. In Genesis 3: 6, we see, “The woman saw that the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eyes, and the tree was desirable for gaining wisdom.” Sounds great, right? By golly, that temptation sure has some good ideas!
Once I think a sin is a really good idea, I’m likely to do it. This might be why I have no trouble, say, resisting the urge to scream at strangers who annoy me, but keeping my temper with my kids who do need my correction (“Yelling like this is a good idea, because correcting them is my job, and yelling will make me feel better, and feeling better makes me a better parent, right? Right? Right?“) is so much harder than leaving the Hershey bar behind at the checkout.
So this Lent I’ve been aiming to tell my temptations that they’re stupid. It’s a little bit of Method Acting, really, using emotional memory to recall times when my character did the right thing and applying that memory to the present challenge. It’s helping, I think. Don’t get me wrong: I still fail a great deal, especially at my favorite sins. The biggest hurdle is the first one: to realize that my brain is saying stupid things. However, since I’ve started this Method Resisting, let’s call it, instead of seeing my path to virtue as this long, grueling, Ignatian marathon that I could never possibly finish, each battle just looks like just that–a battle, and one with the grace of God I might actually win.
I hesitated there. I didn’t want to type anything about me winning anything. On the one hand, yeah, I really want to be humble. When you wear your addiction on your body like I do, it’s a bit easier to keep the pride down. But on the other hand, whenever one of us chooses Christ over ourselves, we become more integrated into His Body. That’s win-win. There’s gotta be something good about claiming that.
Here at Tomato Pie, we’re celebrating the release of my biblical historical fiction ebook “Working Mother” by celebrating the working mothers among us.
Today is the feast of St. Brigid of Ireland, so we’re interviewing another woman who finds herself having unexpected conversations in the name of Christ. Let’s meet Emily Borman!
What’s your name?
That one is easy, Emily Borman.
Tell us a little bit about your family.
I have been married for 27 years to my husband Bill and we have 3 children. Our daughter is our oldest. She just graduated from college in May and is pursuing a graduate degree in education while teaching 5th grade in FL. Next, is our son who is a junior in college; away from home. Last is our youngest son who is a senior in high school living at home with us in VA.
Imagine you’re at a dinner party. Someone asks the question, “So, what do you do?” What’s your answer?
I run a non-profit for Catholic women called Conversation with Women. Then depending on my company I would gage the look on their face and decide whether or not to continue. If there was any interest at all I would continue with,
It is a ministry that centers around a blog that consists of anonymous stories submitted by women who have struggled with Catholic teaching in the area of marriage, sexuality, and fertility but ultimately have found peace and joy by following church teaching.
If the person hasn’t walked away yet I might follow with:
The idea behind the blog is to:
provide support and conversation for women who might not have like-minded friends to confide in, or might not be comfortable confiding in their friends.
2.provide kindling for real life conversations.
give encouragement to any woman trying to live the faith…yes it can be difficult but it can be done and is worth it.
And then also, I am a part time barista and baker at Trinity House Café. It is a really cool coffee house run by the John Paul II Fellowship to promote Christian community and culture in the public square.
How do you think God uses your job to help shape you into all He made you to be?
Wow. This is a deep question. Conversation with Women has really required that I trust God. There are so many things that I have learned to do with the blog that I didn’t know I could do….but there was no one else to do it so I prayed and tried. I have fund raised, written press releases, designed the visual appearance of the blog, edited the blog, spoken to groups of women and learned about using social media. I need to start writing articles promoting the blog. That is what is next on my list. In all honesty I’m afraid that I might look foolish trying to write an article…but then I think of the parable of the talents and I think I better just try and do my best and leave the rest to God. What benefits (besides the economical) have you seen to your family that are a direct result of your work away from home?
My work with Conversation with Women has always been flexible so at times it remains invisible from my family. My job as a barista and baker has helped me set some healthy limits and boundaries with my family. One example is that my son used to miss the bus 3 or 4 days a week. When he knows that I am not home to take him, he doesn’t miss the bus at all…nada…zero! I was so happy to see him step up to the plate like that…and also a little sheepish about realizing that I must be a push over to have been driving him to school so often.
How do you balance any guilty feelings you might have in the tension between your workplace and your homespace?
I usually pray. I’m never entirely confident that I am balancing responsibilities well. I pray about my motives…Do I really need to run out to the grocery store tonight to get that last ingredient so that what I bake tomorrow will be amazing (forfeiting family time for pride)? Or am I sincerely trying to do His will? I pray for His will, not mine, and for His priorities, not mine.
What is one thing that you would ask the people in your life to do to support you more?
I need to work on this. The thing about part-time work is that you can arrange it so that the rest of your life does not change much. Over Christmas I realized that I have done that to a fault. I have added an 18 hour commitment to my life but I am still trying to do everything I used to do. It’s not working. I have been feeling the stress lately. So I guess that I could use some help in figuring out what I need to drop from my list in order to be at peace.
Thank you, Emily!
Are you a working mother? So was (and is) the Blessed Mother! If you enjoyed this interview and would like to celebrate working motherhood some more, please consider getting a copy of my $.99 historical fiction ebook, “Working Mother.”
Here at Tomato Pie, we’re celebrating the release of my biblical historical fiction ebook “Working Mother.” Today is the Feast of a working I didn’t meet until I went searching for Dominican working moms: Blessed Villana di’Botti. Bl. Villana balanced her duties to husband and family along with a great love of and devotion to the poor and disadvantaged in her neighborhood. I see the same balance in an old friend of mine, Melanie Weiler.
What’s your name?
Melanie Weiler
Tell us a little bit about your family.
My husband and I have been married for 23 years with two children. Our son is 15 and daughter is 13.
Imagine you’re at a dinner party. Someone asks the question, “So, what do you do?” What’s your answer?
I tell people that I manage a small nonprofit in Kennett Square, [PA], which consists of a food pantry and emergency assistance program. We focus on providing quality nutrition and securing resources for our clients to increase their self-sustainability.
How do you think God uses your job to help shape you into all He made you to be?
I will always feel compelled to strive to be the person He made me to be. Through my experiences, I have been shown compassion and kindness that I know is His love. Every day I am given the opportunity to pay that forward to our brothers and sisters that are struggling. I have found the voice that we all have to speak for those that can’t speak for themselves.
When I took on this ministry, I didn’t realize how many in the community want to help, but feel powerless to do so. Through helping others, we find our humanity. I feel honored to be able to deliver that opportunity to many people and wish I could do more.
What benefits (besides the economical) have you seen to your family that are a direct result of your work away from home?
The kids are at an age when our society sweeps them into a consumption-based system of values. At a time that friends and peers can easily influence their values, my children have grasped an understanding and appreciation for their blessings. They are well grounded.
I will never forget the surprise on my daughter’s face the first time she helped a person select groceries in the cupboard. At first, she thought the person was another volunteer. She quickly learned that not only were they a client, but they were also experiencing homelessness. Homelessness has a unfair stereotype that must be broken and at the age of 13, she understands and shares that with her peers.
How do you balance any guilty feelings you might have in the tension between your workplace and your homespace?
After multiple attempts at being a stay-at-home parent, I realize that is just not in God’s plan for me. But I always felt that if I needed to be away from my family, the work needed to be meaningful. At this point in my career, I don’t feel particularly guilty. My husband and I have always managed a balance of housework and family time. Of course I couldn’t do my work without him.
What is one thing that you would ask the people in your life to do to support you more?
Just to respect that I am compelled to do this work and to make allowances for that. And understand that my house may be a little dirty and know I don’t care as long as my family is happy.
Love it. Thank you, Melanie!
Are you a working mother? So was (and is) the Blessed Mother! If you enjoyed this interview and would like to celebrate working motherhood some more, please consider getting a copy of my $.99 historical fiction ebook, “Working Mother.”
Here at Tomato Pie, we’re celebrating the release of my biblical historical fiction ebook “Working Mother.” Today is the Feast of St. Francis de Sales, patron saint of both writers and of the deaf. Thus, we’ve gotta do a two-fer on this special feast, and you’ll see why shortly. Let’s meet Allison Gingras!
Married to Kevin for 25 years, he was actually my Junior AND Senior Prom Date!! 3 kids – 2 boys Ian 19 & Adam 15, and our little girl Faith, 8, who is profoundly deaf and adopted from China.
Imagine you’re at a dinner party. Someone asks the question, “So, what do you do?” What’s your answer?
[Erin here. Allison also writes the “Words With” apps, so check those out, too!]
How do you think God uses your job to help shape you into all He made you to be?
He is constantly teaching me. As I prepare presentations or radio show content, I inevitably learn something new about God and myself as His daughter. In my ministry work, I encourage people to grow in faith by participating in Sacraments, Prayer and in reading Scripture. Striving to be an authentic witness, means practicing what I preach – which in the end makes me into the woman God has created me to be (or at least on my way!)
What benefits (besides the economical) have you seen to your family that are a direct result of your work away from home?
My ministry takes me away many weekends, I see that my being away forces everyone to step it up responsibilities at home. My children were homeschooled, and for the older ones especially, they become so dependent on me sometimes they’d take my doing things for them for granted. The boys have taken on doing their own laundry (yeah – one of my least favorite jobs), they spend more time with their little sister, and lastly, I find we enjoy the time we have together more.
How do you balance any guilty feelings you might have in the tension between your workplace and your homespace?
This is probably one of my biggest challenges, since my ‘work’ is also my faith. It is hard for me to stop working – there is a very thin line between spending time contemplating God and different aspects of the faith as work and reflecting on faith for the sake of faith. Having said that, I try to work at my desk – and when I get up from that desk, I leave behind work and focus on family.
What is one thing that you would ask the people in your life to do to support you more?
Honestly, more housework – they do great with their laundry and the dishes but It would be great if someone else would dust, vacuum, wash the windows or clean the bathroom now or then. They will if I ask but not as well as I might like (I know I should be grateful for the help not looking for perfection) and sometimes it would be just nice to have them see if needs to be done and do it. Often I am just too busy to remember to ask for help.
I can so relate to that last bit. Thank you, Allison!
Are you a working mother? So was (and is) the Blessed Mother! If you enjoyed this interview and would like to celebrate working motherhood some more, please consider getting a copy of my $.99 historical fiction ebook, “Working Mother.”
Here at Tomato Pie, we’re celebrating the release of my biblical historical fiction ebook “Working Mother.” Today is the Feast of St. Francis de Sales, patron saint of writers. What better day to interview one of my favorite authors? Let’s meet Amy M. Bennett!
What’s your name?
Amy M. Bennett (born Amy Marie Romero, in El Paso, TX, ca. 1967)
Tell us a little bit about your family.
I come from a family that had a SAHM… my mother never worked and was always there for me and my sister. I wanted the same when I married and had a family, but even though we only had my son, I had to work from the time he was three years old.
Imagine you’re at a dinner party. Someone asks the question, “So, what do you do?” What’s your answer?
What DON’T I do??? I work full time as a cake decorator at Walmart (16 years slinging frosting!) and also part time at a winery. And I write, which is the job I’m most passionate about. But my real life’s work is my family—my husband, Paul, and son, Paul Michael, are my top priority and taking care of them and my home always comes first.
How do you think God uses your job to help shape you into all He made you to be?
I think He uses it in ways that are kind of hard to see. I get asked all the time, “Where do you find the time to do everything you do?” The answer is, I MAKE the time to do what I want to do. We all have things we HAVE to do… time can be wasted or saved. It all depends on your priorities. I know a lot of people who are less busy than I am, but are always frustrated and grouchy because they never have time to do what they want to do. However, they never seem to miss an episode of the latest reality show! I think God makes sure I have to stay busy, especially now that my son is grown up, so I don’t lose my focus!
What benefits (besides the economical) have you seen to your family that are a direct result of your work away from home?
My son learned a lot of self-reliance, once he was old enough to stay home alone without supervision. When he was a teen and mom had to be to work at 2 a.m. and Dad left for work at 6 a.m., he learned to get himself dressed and fed (he taught himself to cook!) and take care of the pets and other chores without supervision. And now that I’m a published author, it’s easy to see that I need that time out of the house to feed my creativity. And there’s a real spirit of teamwork in the family; we all work, we all pool our resources, we all take care of home and each other. There’s no “That’s my job” or “That’s your job”–I think it’s brought us closer together.
How do you balance any guilty feelings you might have in the tension between your workplace and your homespace?
I made it a rule early on: home stays home, work stays at work. And Sundays are for God and family. If we HAVE to work on an occasional Sunday, we make it a rare occurrence and make sure that Mass is always a priority. I also have had to learn to be more forgiving of myself. So I had to dress out of the dryer this morning—at least the clothes are clean! It’s OKAY to call the spouse and say, “You know what, work’s been crazy today, let’s grab a pizza on the way home or stop at that little diner up the road and let someone else cook and clean tonight!” And maybe the hardest part was speaking up at work and saying, “No, I can’t stay late today; no, I can’t cover another Sunday shift.” My generation was trained to be responsible and put work first, even if it meant sacrificing family time and allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. I had to realize that the company wasn’t going to close its doors if I left on time each day or if everything didn’t get done or (gasp!) if I called in sick or went on vacation once in a while!
What is one thing that you would ask the people in your life to do to support you more?
Realize that I’m not you. I’m sure you have a million different ways of doing things that you believe are WAY better than the way I’m doing them, but understand that not everyone does things your way and there is no one right way to do anything. I’ve always said if you ask ten people to do the dishes, they’ll have ten different ways to do them… but in the end, the dishes are clean. That’s the point, right?
It sure is! Thank you, Amy!
Are you a working mother? So was (and is) the Blessed Mother! If you enjoyed this interview and would like to celebrate working motherhood some more, please consider getting a copy of my $.99 historical fiction ebook, “Working Mother.”
Dear friend and talented author Leslie Lynch, whom I interviewed yesterday, sent me this picture from the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in DC.
It’s St. Agnes, the patron saint of sexual assault survivors. I don’t think it’s any accident that the March for Life happens the day after her feast day. Thank you for the beautiful picture, Leslie.
Here at Tomato Pie, we’re celebrating the release of my biblical historical fiction ebook “Working Mother” by celebrating the working mothers among us. Let’s meet working mother, Kerri Baunach!
What’s your name?
Kerri Baunach. I always loved my Irish name, still do, but then I married a German. My first name combined with my married name still sounds funny to me. In a good way, it just makes me smile.
Tell us a little bit about your family.
My husband and I met back around 2004 (I think) through the young adult group at our church. I was actually dating someone else at the time and was hit or miss attending the group. But I eventually became a more regular attendee, we very slowly got to know each other, two years later we started dating, and were married a little less than two years after that, in 2007. We have 6 children; our 3 in heaven are Casey (2008), Zachary (2009), and Brigit (2010); and our 3 living children are identical twins Peter and Ethan (born in May 2011) and Silas (born in December 2013). We live in Lexington, KY and think it is a wonderful town surrounded by beautiful country.
Imagine you’re at a dinner party. Someone asks the question, “So, what do you do?” What’s your answer?
My answer varies depending on the person asking. Most of the time I tell people I’m a librarian, specifically a music librarian in an academic library. If I’m asked more about what I do (often I get asked about shelving books, checking books out, etc., the types of tasks we hire students to do) I’ll explain as briefly as possible that I am mostly a cataloging librarian for the music materials and a few other formats. And no, I don’t know anything about the Dewey Decimal System.
[Erin here. Kerri also writes for and is on the board of Catholic Sistas.]
How do you think God uses your job to help shape you into all He made you to be?
One of my job responsibilities is that of supervisor for what we call Special Formats Cataloging (music, maps, rare books, and some other odd formats). It was a role I was asked to do after a reorganization, not a role I particularly wanted and definitely did not seek out. Despite that, I believe I have grown from the experience. I believe God has used this aspect of my work to teach me leadership skills, to help me learn more about fostering success in other people, and He’s given me the chance to act as a mentor to colleagues in earlier stages of their careers. Being in any sort of administrative role, even my tiny low-level one, was not something I ever wanted, but I have most benefited in a way that I think makes me a better mother to my children and gives me skills that I can use in other aspects of my life as well.
What benefits (besides the economical) have you seen to your family that are a direct result of your work away from home?
For me, my job offers some flexibility. I have the ability to connect to my office remotely if I have to and I have a bit of freedom in my hours and when I work. This is helpful for weeks like this week when I have a deadline but also a sick baby. So I’m home with the baby while the twins are at daycare and I’m connecting to my office remotely to finish the work that needs to be done. I have been able to work during nap times and then I work a couple hours at night after the kids are in bed. When my twins were babies I also got approval to take a six month sabbatical. A sabbatical, still requires you to work, but the work is focused on a project (just one!) and you can do the work whenever and wherever you want. The boys were in daycare for about 4 months or so from the time they were 8 weeks old until about 6 months old. Then I took off the whole month of December to use all my remaining vacation time (our year ends June 30) and in January my sabbatical started. The boys were home with me in December and they stayed home with me during my sabbatical. They were a perfect age because they still napped twice a day. I worked during nap time and a little in the evenings. THe last few months of my sabbatical I hired a babysitter to come over twice a week and play with them from after lunch until they went down for their second nap. That way I had a couple days of work where I could get more like 6 hours in instead of 4. It worked out beautifully. They were 13 months old when I returned to my office full time and they started at a new day care.Unfortunately I’m not eligible for another sabbatical until (I think) 2018.
Sometime, too, I take advantage of the fact that I am paying for daycare anyway. I will sometimes take a day off of work to run errands or get my haircut without having to drag all the kids with me. Oh, and speaking of dragging all the kids with me, it’s been helpful to be able to take a sick child to the doctor without the other two in tow.
How do you balance any guilty feelings you might have in the tension between your workplace and your homespace?
One thing I try to do is remain focused on my job when I am there. By that I mean that I figure if I am going to be at work I need to be working and not wasting time. If I’m going to waste time or be lazy in my work then why am I bothering to work, I could be home with my kids instead. Likewise, ever since I got married I have made a conscious effort to not work late and not bring work home. I felt it was a courtesy to my husband (and now also my kids) that I be present to them when I am home. There are still rare times when I have to bring something home or run in to my office for a couple hours on a Saturday, but overall, work stays at work and my time at home is for my family.
What is one thing that you would ask the people in your life to do to support you more?
I would ask people to not be critical of the decisions my family makes. Whether you agree or not, you don’t know, can’t know, all the reasons why a family makes the decisions they make, whether it is having both parents work outside the home or something else. Instead, be supportive of us and offer to help when/if you can. Just knowing that others in our life are supportive of us makes a world of difference when we are stretched thin.
Thank you, Kerri!
Are you a working mother? So was (and is) the Blessed Mother! If you enjoyed this interview and would like to celebrate working motherhood some more, please consider getting a copy of my $.99 historical fiction ebook, “Working Mother.”
Here at Tomato Pie, we’re celebrating the release of my biblical historical fiction ebook “Working Mother.” When author Leslie Lynch agreed to let me interview her for this project, I knew I had to run her interview today. This is the Feast of St. Agnes, who is among other things, the patron saint of victims of sexual assault. In Leslie’s books you get a real hope for true, Christ-like justice for all who have suffered through rape and related crimes.
My husband and I have been married a bit longer than 38 years and have three grown children, a son-in-law, a daughter-in-law, and two granddaughters.
Imagine you’re at a dinner party. Someone asks the question, “So, what do you do?” What’s your answer?
Just like most women, I do a lot and juggle to make sure it all gets done—and some days I can’t tell you exactly what I did! But along with being involved with extended family, I write professionally, mostly fiction and some nonfiction.
How do you think God uses your job to help shape you into all He made you to be?
I think it’s perhaps the other way around for me. God has used the experiences of my life to shape me into the kind of writer I am: realistic, gritty, and yet my work is infused with God’s mercy, leading my characters on journeys toward reconciliation with each other and with Him.
What benefits (besides the economical) have you seen to your family that are a direct result of your work away from home?
I look at the choices my kids have made in their careers and with whom they spend their lives. I believe they watched my example and reached for the stars, and in particular, their individual, unique star. I am also a registered nurse and a pilot with advanced ratings, so they saw me take whatever route necessary to make my dreams come true, and to do so in the face of moments of adversity. My husband was also a role model in that regard, so they were doubly blessed. Our kids are all high achievers in the fields they’ve chosen, as well as being genuinely wonderful human beings. That is the more important legacy of my “working motherhood.”
How do you balance any guilty feelings you might have in the tension between your workplace and your homespace?
I was lucky in that my careers allowed me options to schedule my work life around my home life, for the most part. At one time I worked four different jobs at the same time (two temporary nursing positions and two as a flight/ground instructor) so I had more control over my hours than most.
Then, of course, after the eight hour shift at a hospital, I would come home and commence the six hour marathon of getting kids to activities, homework, supper, baths, and bed. (My husband’s job took him away from home for days at a time.) Again, we were fortunate in being able to spend so much time together in the evenings, though much of it was in the van!
What is one thing that you would ask the people in your life to do to support you more?
Recognize my contributions and give me hugs. Sometimes I long for more “down” time for writing, but family is always more important. I’m grateful for the opportunity to spend as much time as I do with my grandkids.
Thank you, Leslie!
Are you a working mother? So was (and is) the Blessed Mother! If you enjoyed this interview and would like to celebrate working motherhood some more, please consider getting a copy of my $.99 historical fiction ebook, “Working Mother.”
Erin McCole Cupp 