Yeah, I want you to have this book, but not for the reason you think. I’m a day behind posting this, because my family is facing some mental health challenges. I can’t go into more, because it’s not my story to tell, but I can ask for prayers and patience. I can also attest to the power of resurrection joy alive and real through intentional trauma recovery.
As I’m now in a place to support a loved one going through an excruciatingly painful time, I won’t lie–I hear the scripts, passed to me by own own parents, telling me all the cruel, dismissive, invalidating things I should be saying to someone in pain.
I hear the scripts, let them cry their pain in their twisted way… and I stop them. Those scripts just play out like old tapes, but they do not come out my mouth. By God’s grace and for His glory, they are mere figments of memory. I do not let them become real presence.
It’s nothing short of a miracle. While I’ve done my fair share of perpetuating negative parenting cycles, I see the glorious changes that come from making myself teachable, boundary-blessed, emotionally connected, and so much more than I was taught to be.
If you have experienced the pain that comes from wanting to be a better parent after living through a childhood rife with harm, oh, my sweet sib… it’s more than just a title on a pretty cover from some holier than thou papist publisher. I promise you: God makes ALL THINGS NEW!
I could not have seen our family’s current crisis when I sat down 3 years ago to write this book, but I want to go back and hug the mom I was then and tell her, “You are about to learn so many tools, and they will break your heart and give you and your children wings. You will be amazed at the depths of love God is about to show you.”
I want you to have this book because I want to say those words to YOU, TODAY. All Things New with Our Sunday Visitor Books is on sale at 50% off through December 2. Go to my bio/about link, click on the book cover, and check out the description, reviews, etc. If you’re still unsure, take the “cycle-breaking beatitude quiz,” and based on your answers, I’ll send you a hand-picked chapter of All Things New, for free.
If I could, I would put this joy-on-the-cross feeling in a bottle for you. I can’t. But I can offer you this book. Pray for me & mine. Know I pray for you and yours. I get that this is not something most folks want to talk about in public, so don’t tag anybody in the comments, but if you know someone who might benefit from this book, please send this post to them in a private message.
So while there will no longer be a place for me to link up this weekly list of resources, articles, and thoughtful content for those of us who live at the places where Catholicism and trauma healing overlap… I’m inclined to keep it going.
Because over the past few weeks, I was wondering if it might be time for me to move my time resources away from this particular item on the to do list, and someone messaged me privately to say how much she was getting out of these posts, especially in terms of making sense of her past. So at least for now, I’m going to keep posting these as long as my schedule allows. God bless you for reading.
This Week’s Resources for Catholic Trauma Survivors
One of the things I hear the most from people who hear my story is, “But I don’t have trauma.” Well, PTSD is not uncommon.
This week’s media: I received another chance to talk with Anne DeSantis of Patchwork Heart Ministries & Fiat Ministry Network. This one is for last week’s episode of Journeys in Faith, and we talk a little bit about All Things New, a little bit about my reversion story, and a little bit about the forthcoming Filled With Good: Theology of the Body for Food Addicts.
Thanks for reading, listening & watching, fellow image-bearers.
While I didn’t have memory flushing myself, I can definitely relate to fellow trauma survivor Melissa Presser’s piece at Catholic Mom on God’s Plan A.
I know I’ve been a part of the culture of labeling people “toxic,” but I’m trying to get away from that, because… dang, everybody deserves hope. Here’s a piece at Verywell Mind about what to do if you suspect you may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder–because there are people with NPD who do recognize that they are the cause of their own suffering but just. can’t. stop.
Even if you’re past the toddler tantrum stage, you still may be experiencing (or letting loose with) the less obvious kinds of tantrums & meltdowns. “Ask the pediatrician: How can parents deal with children’s tantrums” goes way beyond the usual “how to derail your child’s emotional train” into the things children need from their parents outside of their tantrum time.
Well, what a surprise! It turns out subsidiarity (helping parents so they can help & bond with their children) is more effective than rounding up kids without their parents and trying to fix them! What a concept! How Parents Can Find Their Strength and Resillience.
California has a prisons project that’s teaching inmates about how trauma leads to dangerous choices–including the choices that landed them behind bars. Read about it here.
Dysfunctional families tend to develop unhealthy roles and conflict between siblings. In case you haven’t noticed, Catholic Mom has been such a resource to me for teaching me how to be a healthier parent. Sheri Wohlfert has an article there on sibling rivalry.
I don’t know about you, but when I see justice being served in the interests of kids who have been abused at the hands of denying, deflecting, selfish adults, something inside of me heals. If that kind of thing helps you, here’s an article (no real gory details, thankfully) about two little girls standing up to their father’s abuse and bringing him to justice through their courage and persistence: Father convicted of molesting daughters.
On that note, do you know about Bikers Against Child Abuse? They’re an organization that helps support kids who are bringing their abusers to justice. A. Ma. Zing. I love, love, LOVE BACA! Whenever I need to have hope in humanity, I visit their site.
About a year ago, a recovery friend called me, and when I picked up the phone, she said, “So I know we’re not Jewish–” My response, “I don’t know what you’re going to say next, but this is the best start to a phone call I’ve ever had.” I’ve had some pretty deep encounters with Jewish culture through family & friends from earliest childhood, so it’s no surprise this article from The Jerusalem Post on sukkot as the PTSD holiday really reached somewhere deep inside of me. “Slaves who built for others now build for themselves.”